Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
