You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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