So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
