now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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