Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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