I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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