The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
