i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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