Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
