peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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