You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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