How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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