This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
