You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
