I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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