dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Randomize
