why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Farmville is her only friend.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
