never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Randomize
