you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
