p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
