i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
