I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Your cock deserves a montage
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
