OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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