i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
