I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
