Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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