and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Of course I have a pirate flag
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
