Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
