i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
