Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
