Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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