please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
