if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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