Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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