So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We have started to decorate penises.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
