you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
