What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
His hands were made for my vagina.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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