I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
