His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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