nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
