I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
