I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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