i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i think i just lost a toe
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
