He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I am puke
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
