Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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