it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
