I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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