i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
