She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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