i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
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