u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
