There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
