I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
