I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
