Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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