Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just gargled with NyQuil
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
